Category Archives: frustration

Notes for the parent tutor

Do you remember the video for Pink Floyd’s ‘Another Brick in the Wall’? ( here’s a link for the video cliphttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YR5ApYxkU-U) Watch this with your Schooled child and discuss with open communication your experiences as a Schooled child. Consider reclaiming your role as their FIRST teacher. Tutoring your own child is about helping them understand not just what’s taught in class but how to understand the world. What I’d love for you to know, Parents, is that in ‘their eyes’ we brought them into the world, they are only here because we decided to create them. They look to US for help on that sometimes frightening job of learning about the world but then they get put into a School and are away from us, isolated from the ‘real world’ as we call it. Then we expect them to learn in isolation from the ‘real world’ how to live in the ‘real world’. It’s not just a school thing, it’s for any family that restricts what their children can and can’t learn about, but it is also a ‘School thing’ as at no other time in our lives do we get segregated into ‘same age groups’ and forced to learn at a teacher’s pace, day in day out.

We used to have children knowing it was a lifelong commitment to another person, the way we used to view marriage. It’s part of becoming an adult to leave your own childhood behind and become ‘responsible’ for another human. Now we have a baby and go back to work, somewhere between 6 weeks and 6 years later. Women are punished socially for not returning to work in some circles, in others returning to work is the crime. Mummy Wars are the new competition that are added to the war on image that’s been playing out for decades.

Clearing up the realities for a minute, just forget about what other’s think about how you’re living your life, the reality is that no one else will do the job of ‘raising our children’ for you. Sure they’ll ‘babysit’ and they’ll ‘educate’ but as far as ‘being there for them’, well that’s our job. Delegating is a choice and the consequences can be life changing. Our children still look at us to be the one’s ultimately responsible for them until they too are grown and ready to be responsible for someone else.

How much damage does it take before you can’t reconnect with your child? Don’t let the opportunity to turn things around vanish without your full consideration. Wishing you all the very best with your journeys.

Here is the full length movie of ‘The Wall’

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PQE3vcwU97g

Waiting to go back to Montessori Home Ed

Let me start by saying that Unschooling and Montessori approaches to learning will go hand in hand by the time children are about 7. Although we ‘could’ keep using the Montessori materials and following the sequence of the curriculum Maria really did intend children to get into the world and learn from life. The Method can not be replicated in the home, as I’ve mentioned before. What I can do though is prepare the environment for what is called ‘strewed’ learning… putting things you’d like your child to discover in their general path. If the child is interested they will learn that ‘thing’, if not then they ‘move around it’ but it hasn’t become a forced lesson that’s failed or a hindrance to further learning. They are free to return to it at any time.

That’s been pretty much what I’ve been doing for our Home Ed journey since the sad demise of our storage shed. Cue the violins…

 

The sky said goodbye.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How do we feel about this Shed?

Now to reclaim our Home!

Conference Reef and stuff!

It’s time for me to publish a post on my blog. What shall it be about hmmmm? Well I’m not really motivated to do more than say that life goes on, ups and downs…. oh we attended the Australian Unschooling Conference. It was very intense, sublime and the setting was awesome.

We swam in the warm waters of the Great Barrier Reef and although it broke my heart to be there, knowing what tourism and CSG etc is doing to the natural wonder I managed to balance out my own personal dilemma of contributing to the tourism.Once there I saw that the area we saw was fairly dull and up further was much brighter… I like (tongue in cheek) that we may have been ‘kept away’ from the pristine parts… but it’s still something I struggle with. I still feel as though a dream of mine has been fulfilled.

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Frustrations!

Ever had one of those days where your foot has to come down as nothing else is actually happening? You know, the work from home or home ed or ‘weekend project’ days where NOTHING seems to actually happen?

Well three days into Term 3 we have had one of those days. The context, briefly, is that my two delightful children have ‘told me to teach them’ directly. They want more challenging work and they want it now! The life of this home educating mother has never fitted a mould. One day is all hands in the air natural, rebellious free for all learning, next it’s watching children sit mindlessly in front of Youtube while they only really say “mum can you get me a sandwich etc” and then have a MEGA melt down when it’s… shock horror…. bed time! “But I’m just watching this one last one!”

THEN they had the nerve to say “we only sit watching Youtube because YOU don’t make us work!”…. hahaha problem fixed, easy peasy.. I’ve got a degree in Teaching (aka how to order around children until they learn dem numbers and fancy letter things!) “ok, off the computers then, let’s ‘learn’”…. can you IMAGINE the moans and tantrums? I shudder at the memory!

We’ve taken 2 weeks ‘off’ between Terms 2 and 3, just like every other schooled child in NSW. During that time they had a blast! Not only mucking about but really enjoying their actual holiday. They knew, from my very polite sit downs that ‘work is a comin’! True to my word we sat down on day 1 and they took in my little “Term 3 we’ll be doing this that and the other BRILLIANTLY! They were prepared, excited, I’d put in ALL of my free time (my whole 24 hours off from childcare) into planning out the most interesting, purposeful and fun Term EVER… it’s got excursions, bike rides, self directed learning, puzzles, designing, science classes etc etc. Day 2…. yeah mmm ok not to bad…. Day 3…… TODAY WAS DAY 3! and BAM!!! down comes the excuses off the top shelf! What they didn’t know is that I’m outta juice! I’m running on empty! I’m not about to put up with this nonsense! I let that delightful boy of mine have it and GUESS WHAT? The rascal did his work plus extra without anymore moaning…. he was even smiling!

I put them to bed with stern words and a promise that if they pull anymore crapsicles on me tomorrow I’m going into strict mode! And if they can’t get work done in those conditions it’s off to the factory for them! Not something either of them want.

Once we are in a flow all this will be forgotten though, so I thought I’d pen this down in the hope that anyone who has experienced the same “throw something at the child then throw the towel into the ring” feeling will know, that even this mild mannered Montessorian mum sometimes, just sometimes, feels EXACTLY the same way!

and now for something new…

With a return back to some form of routine we are back to home educating with the addition of the Scouts and the help of our third parent. J has been with us for almost 1 year and easily seems to understand how to parent my children very naturally. No wedding date yet, but I may have found a celebrant!

D has begun sandpaper letters at his Montessori preschool and I found some number work in his pigeon hole, including some addition sums!!! Speaking of additions (repetitive!!) D has DEFINITELY scored big with the ole testosterone! His frustrations and anger at not getting his own way have become an interesting ‘learning opportunity’! As well as that, there is the matter of a soft palate that may be causing some delay/issue with speech development and sensory integration. I’m onto it, with a referral to see a speech therapist now and maybe an ear/nose/throat specialist later. The poor love says that when he feels angry it’s like all the happiness goes out of his toes and he doesn’t think he’s ever be happy again. Then a tight angry feeling goes into his mouth and neck and he wants to be mad and fight! So far his little fists have been punching me in slow motion. This is a good sign, really, as I never hit my children and they feel it’s just about the WORST thing parents can do.

For him to feel THAT angry, he must trust that I won’t reject him. When his little frame comes right under my head and he’s pounding so fiercely but slowly into my legs I just kiss his head and tell him how ‘D is a lovely boy, and he’s FEELING angry. But feelings come and feelings go, sometimes sleepy, sometimes angry, sometimes sad, sometimes so happy we almost wet our pants!’… thank GOODNESS it’s all happening NOW, while he’s small and still laughs over those jokes, and before his little paws become hard and vengeful! He’s learning too that when he’s like that others get hurt. He forgets his manners, shouts at people faces… all the horrible stuff. So far I talk him through ‘getting back to his true self’, back to his line… how he feels when he’s at Montessori and he is walking on the line, feeling peaceful and alert. Then I ask his how he WANTS to behave and he of course wants to “not to grow up to be bossy man”. Then D goes around saying sorry and “ask for for givingness”. He must feel so frustrated at times.
Complete empathy with ANYONE who is going through ANY anger issues with their children. I know that, at the moment, mine is a minor issue. I can deal with this as I have plenty of experience and tools. I’ve taught in schools where it’s quiet common to have basket balls ‘pegged’ at your head and 10 year old spit in your face while swearing then leave the school grounds and you’re forced to call the police as they have left school and THAT’S policy… and where children are already taking drugs before morning school bells sound. This is primary/elementary age… TOTALLY empathise with any and all dealing with teens/young adults. Like my children and I observe, mostly in shops, even ADULTS have tantrums!!! It’s important to separate the person and the behaviour. A behaviour is a choice and choices are influenced by environment, knowledge, skills etc. If you jump and down and then get what you want… you are more likely to jump up and down. A person’s ‘temperament’ though? mmmm Each baby comes with a particular temperament… we all did. Ah the nature and nurture debate… ‘in touch with his feelings’…. that’s MY aim with D. Tools to help his make good choices and hopefully the ability to NOT get angry when he doesn’t get his way… when he’s way is unreasonable/impossible.

We can love our children without loving their behaviour. At the same time it’s a good opportunity for ME to remember not to be hard on MYSELF when I’ve not behaved well… when I was younger. Some things happen and we’re human, anger is part of the bag of emotions.

M continues to thrive in the home environment, and now with Cubs, weekly get togethers with a best friend and a group of multi aged children and plenty of ‘girl time’ with her mum she is LOVING her life… I got 5 return appearances to kiss me goodnight tonight… we’re both very much looking forward to tomorrow and continuing with our program/choices.

Our current curriculum is a 3 hour Montessori style work cycle in the morning, which consists of 1 hour reading, and then 2 hours of project work. Her projects are art/music/science experiments/’construction’ – which is very creative use of found items and recycled goods. We finish the day with Board of Studies bookwork, which are the same books found in any NSW primary school, with the exception of the comprehension being one grade higher to match her level. It takes 4 afternoons, or about 8 hours collectively for her to finish her ‘school schoolwork’ IF she procrastinates. It would take her 4 hours per week if she took her time but wasn’t distracted. Still she continues with outings and social gathers 5 out of 7 days a week, is part of daily routines, ‘chores’, shopping, visiting, library trips, bike rides, meditation class, as well as time at her dad’s/ aunt and uncle’s/ grandma’s etc etc NOT to mention consistently asking her great aunt for a lend of her DS every time we visit! All in all she’s a VERY happy, content and enthusiastic child… aka she is PERFECTLY her!

Actually, they are BOTH perfectly them… and everyone has times of intense learning and rest.

NAMASTE

M, D (with tounge) and Me.