Category Archives: forgiveness

Notes for the parent tutor

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Do you remember the video for Pink Floyd’s ‘Another Brick in the Wall’? ( here’s a link for the video cliphttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YR5ApYxkU-U) Watch this with your Schooled child and discuss with open communication your experiences as a Schooled child. Consider reclaiming your role as their FIRST teacher. Tutoring your own child is about helping them understand not just what’s taught in class but how to understand the world. What I’d love for you to know, Parents, is that in ‘their eyes’ we brought them into the world, they are only here because we decided to create them. They look to US for help on that sometimes frightening job of learning about the world but then they get put into a School and are away from us, isolated from the ‘real world’ as we call it. Then we expect them to learn in isolation from the ‘real world’ how to live in the ‘real world’. It’s not just a school thing, it’s for any family that restricts what their children can and can’t learn about, but it is also a ‘School thing’ as at no other time in our lives do we get segregated into ‘same age groups’ and forced to learn at a teacher’s pace, day in day out.

We used to have children knowing it was a lifelong commitment to another person, the way we used to view marriage. It’s part of becoming an adult to leave your own childhood behind and become ‘responsible’ for another human. Now we have a baby and go back to work, somewhere between 6 weeks and 6 years later. Women are punished socially for not returning to work in some circles, in others returning to work is the crime. Mummy Wars are the new competition that are added to the war on image that’s been playing out for decades.

Clearing up the realities for a minute, just forget about what other’s think about how you’re living your life, the reality is that no one else will do the job of ‘raising our children’ for you. Sure they’ll ‘babysit’ and they’ll ‘educate’ but as far as ‘being there for them’, well that’s our job. Delegating is a choice and the consequences can be life changing. Our children still look at us to be the one’s ultimately responsible for them until they too are grown and ready to be responsible for someone else.

How much damage does it take before you can’t reconnect with your child? Don’t let the opportunity to turn things around vanish without your full consideration. Wishing you all the very best with your journeys.

Here is the full length movie of ‘The Wall’

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PQE3vcwU97g

World Kindness day and Home Education Week, a perfect combination

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World kindness day immediately precedes Home Education week. As we are encouraged to see more similarities than differences between countries and cultures it’s a perfect opportunity to examine our values and attitudes towards all of the people within our community. The smallest group we belong to is that of our immediate family. The biggest responsibility is towards our children.  Over this week I would like to outline some information that you may find useful. I hope to spark your mind into thinking about your own situation and weather or not you could make any changes for your family.
Home Education Week is a time to learn more about this method of education and check to see whether it could be a viable option for your family, what you could take from this method to compliment what you already do and to celebrate the people who make this choice with their children. Surely examining what our children are expected to do with their childhoods against what they need and want is one of the kindest things we as parents can do.
The foundations we help our children lay will carry them through into their lives as they reach for their dreams, achieve independence and take on the role of nurturing the next generation. A kind act we as parents can commit to every day of the year is to think of our children’s needs . Taking care of their physical lives with sufficient food, water, rest and exercise is a fundamental  right of every child yet as we know not every child in the world experiences this. A sense of security, belonging, safety and love allows our children to develop mentally without many of the blockages which cause people stress and strain throughout their adult lives; child hood trauma leaves internal scars.
Emotional development of humans is still over looked by many as a distraction from work. Being detached from situations emotionally, toughening up and growing thick skin is prized within our socio-economic structure. This is the same structure that was born from the industrial age where distractions from work could not only loose you your job but threaten to stall production for an entire factory. Justifiably peer pressure to work no matter what you were feeling was encouraged and often striking for better rights was considered going against the status quo, earning the offenders not only a sacking but also a social label that was difficult to shake off, unless you were willing to go back to work, tail between you legs and beg for your job back. Falling into line was mandatory. You had no choice but to work how and when you were told.
After some time, as machines took over for people and many lives had been lost working in dangerous professions groups of workers were successful in striking for better working conditions, especially through the Union movements. It is because of this wave of courage that we enjoy much better working conditions than our ancestors  endured, including the right to work.
Our children’s needs differ from adult’s needs. One fundamental and easily forgotten need is to fulfil the desire to learn. As new people, children are often eager and hungry to make sense of the world and to participate in it.  Even as 2 and 3 year olds children want to help around the house, know what a word says and watch an act, movie or listen to a story over and over again, taking in what they are learning through their senses, making sense of a complicated world.
Children are the experts when it comes to learning. Just by watching what a child is doing and trying to work out what they are trying to learn, from their perspective, is the best way to help your child to learn. Once you do this you are in the prime zone of helping them should they need help. At times staying  out of the way is the best help you can be.
Tomorrow, as this series continues, we’ll go into more detail about helping your child learn through observation – what to look for, what to do and not do and how you can promote more opportunities for learning within your home and when out and about.

and now for something new…

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With a return back to some form of routine we are back to home educating with the addition of the Scouts and the help of our third parent. J has been with us for almost 1 year and easily seems to understand how to parent my children very naturally. No wedding date yet, but I may have found a celebrant!

D has begun sandpaper letters at his Montessori preschool and I found some number work in his pigeon hole, including some addition sums!!! Speaking of additions (repetitive!!) D has DEFINITELY scored big with the ole testosterone! His frustrations and anger at not getting his own way have become an interesting ‘learning opportunity’! As well as that, there is the matter of a soft palate that may be causing some delay/issue with speech development and sensory integration. I’m onto it, with a referral to see a speech therapist now and maybe an ear/nose/throat specialist later. The poor love says that when he feels angry it’s like all the happiness goes out of his toes and he doesn’t think he’s ever be happy again. Then a tight angry feeling goes into his mouth and neck and he wants to be mad and fight! So far his little fists have been punching me in slow motion. This is a good sign, really, as I never hit my children and they feel it’s just about the WORST thing parents can do.

For him to feel THAT angry, he must trust that I won’t reject him. When his little frame comes right under my head and he’s pounding so fiercely but slowly into my legs I just kiss his head and tell him how ‘D is a lovely boy, and he’s FEELING angry. But feelings come and feelings go, sometimes sleepy, sometimes angry, sometimes sad, sometimes so happy we almost wet our pants!’… thank GOODNESS it’s all happening NOW, while he’s small and still laughs over those jokes, and before his little paws become hard and vengeful! He’s learning too that when he’s like that others get hurt. He forgets his manners, shouts at people faces… all the horrible stuff. So far I talk him through ‘getting back to his true self’, back to his line… how he feels when he’s at Montessori and he is walking on the line, feeling peaceful and alert. Then I ask his how he WANTS to behave and he of course wants to “not to grow up to be bossy man”. Then D goes around saying sorry and “ask for for givingness”. He must feel so frustrated at times.
Complete empathy with ANYONE who is going through ANY anger issues with their children. I know that, at the moment, mine is a minor issue. I can deal with this as I have plenty of experience and tools. I’ve taught in schools where it’s quiet common to have basket balls ‘pegged’ at your head and 10 year old spit in your face while swearing then leave the school grounds and you’re forced to call the police as they have left school and THAT’S policy… and where children are already taking drugs before morning school bells sound. This is primary/elementary age… TOTALLY empathise with any and all dealing with teens/young adults. Like my children and I observe, mostly in shops, even ADULTS have tantrums!!! It’s important to separate the person and the behaviour. A behaviour is a choice and choices are influenced by environment, knowledge, skills etc. If you jump and down and then get what you want… you are more likely to jump up and down. A person’s ‘temperament’ though? mmmm Each baby comes with a particular temperament… we all did. Ah the nature and nurture debate… ‘in touch with his feelings’…. that’s MY aim with D. Tools to help his make good choices and hopefully the ability to NOT get angry when he doesn’t get his way… when he’s way is unreasonable/impossible.

We can love our children without loving their behaviour. At the same time it’s a good opportunity for ME to remember not to be hard on MYSELF when I’ve not behaved well… when I was younger. Some things happen and we’re human, anger is part of the bag of emotions.

M continues to thrive in the home environment, and now with Cubs, weekly get togethers with a best friend and a group of multi aged children and plenty of ‘girl time’ with her mum she is LOVING her life… I got 5 return appearances to kiss me goodnight tonight… we’re both very much looking forward to tomorrow and continuing with our program/choices.

Our current curriculum is a 3 hour Montessori style work cycle in the morning, which consists of 1 hour reading, and then 2 hours of project work. Her projects are art/music/science experiments/’construction’ – which is very creative use of found items and recycled goods. We finish the day with Board of Studies bookwork, which are the same books found in any NSW primary school, with the exception of the comprehension being one grade higher to match her level. It takes 4 afternoons, or about 8 hours collectively for her to finish her ‘school schoolwork’ IF she procrastinates. It would take her 4 hours per week if she took her time but wasn’t distracted. Still she continues with outings and social gathers 5 out of 7 days a week, is part of daily routines, ‘chores’, shopping, visiting, library trips, bike rides, meditation class, as well as time at her dad’s/ aunt and uncle’s/ grandma’s etc etc NOT to mention consistently asking her great aunt for a lend of her DS every time we visit! All in all she’s a VERY happy, content and enthusiastic child… aka she is PERFECTLY her!

Actually, they are BOTH perfectly them… and everyone has times of intense learning and rest.

NAMASTE

M, D (with tounge) and Me.